Celia’s note: Since the time of this writing my adoptive mother passed on September 15, 2012. I love her and miss her very much.
Originally published on May 8, 2011:
Today is the day that I honor two mothers — my biological mother and my adoptive mother.
My biological mother was 14 years old when she gave birth to me. She was the age that my daughter is. Since my biological father wasn’t there to encourage and help her because he denied that he was my father, my biological grandmother was there for my 14-year old mom as she went through the labor and delivery process at St. Mary’s Hospital in Tucson, Arizona. She decided to give me up for adoption. I have never met my biological mother.
When I was 18 months old a couple from Coolidge, Arizona saw me at an orphanage in Tucson, Arizona and the man (my adoptive father) fell in love with me the first time that he laid eyes on me. He and his wife (my adoptive mother) went back to their farm in Coolidge and discussed their plans to adopt me. The woman (my adoptive mother) shared with me that as she knelt by her bed and prayed for guidance she felt a warmth start at the top of her head and travel all the way through her body down to her toes. She shared with me that she felt peace about adopting me. That is how I came to be a part of their family.
My adoptive mother took another woman’s daughter and loved me as her own daughter. I will always be grateful to her for her sacrifice of love. She already had 3 natural-born children plus a step-son. She was ready to take on a full-time job but my dad wanted to adopt. This meant that my mom had to wait another 16 years before she could claim the desire of her heart to work full-time.
As she waited those 16 years she had medical complications arise. Serious medical issues. At the same time my dad began to have heart attacks. At the age of 14 I was now having to take care of my dad while my mom lived separately from us. It was a challenging time for us. Three years later my dad died of a major heart attack as he waited for a heart transplant at the Tucson Medical Center.
I was 17 and as soon as my mom could make arrangements she sold our farm and we moved in to a house in Coolidge. Her medical issues worsened and she decided to move out-of-state. I moved in with friends so that I could finish my senior year at Coolidge High School. I was very hurt and felt abandoned as I grieved the loss of both parents — one by death and the other by her choice to leave. I was very angry with my mom. It wasn’t until I was in my late twenties that I realized that my mom did the best she could.
If you’re reading this and have a broken relationship with your mom I understand how difficult it is to forgive. I know what it’s like to be rejected and abandoned. It hurts. It really hurts. E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like prayer for your broken relationship with your mom.
Due to respect of her privacy I am only free to share that my mom and I are in contact through mail. She is a survivor and I love her very much. I treasure every amazing memory that I have of our life together as gold.
I mentioned earlier that my daughter is 14 and I can’t even begin to imagine her being a mom at her age. She is just beginning to discover her strengths, talents, abilities, and hobbies. I want her to enjoy her youth for as long as she can. I want her to have many memories of me being there with her and for her. I’m not the perfect mom. When I mess up I sit down with her and let her know that I’ve messed up (even though she already knows) and I tell her that I’m sorry, ask her to forgive me and she does.
There is no perfect world with perfect mother/child relationships. But if you’re fortunate you’ll have the kind of transparent relationship that is built on love, forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration. Let the realization that “she did the best she could” free you to move forward in love.
Happy Mother’s Day.